Messin’ with “Messin’ With Sasquatch”

In case you missed it:

Some thoughts on Tony Stewart, still blowing smoke.

My piece on the wizardry of Tim Duncan. (Here’s my friend Joe Posnanski on the same subject.)

Everything you need to know about storytelling in 5 minutes.

*****

I’m always surprised when companies spend millions of dollars on TV commercials to project one clear message: People who use our product are idiots.

The Jack Link’s Beef Jerky commercials with Sasquatch are the pinnacle of the form. There’s a new one out:

So these three friends are walking down a quiet country road, just having left the store back there along the curve. I assume this is the beef jerky farm store. You have to drive out there to get the jerky when it’s nice and fresh.

They run across this legendary monster sleeping under a tree. So they put makeup on him and paint his nails. Never mind that he’ll never know he’s wearing makeup because SASQUATCHES DON’T HAVE MIRRORS. He wakes up and sees the nails, and that makes him furious enough to chase after the three jerky-eating pranksters. They make it to their car … but he just flips it over and it barrel-rolls down the hill.

Sasquatch is undefeated in these beef jerky encounters. The folks eating the jerky always play some prank on him, and in turn he kicks them into a tree or throws a python into their camper or just beats them half to death. There are only two conclusions you can draw from these commercials:

1. People who eat Jack Link’s Beef Jerky are stupid beyond belief; or

2. Eating Jack Link’s Beef Jerky MAKES you stupid beyond belief.

Well, I guess there’s a third possibility:

3. Jack Link’s Beef Jerky contains a powerful hallucinogen that makes you see Sasquatch.

In which case, “Trippin’ With Jack Link” is a MUCH better slogan.

 

 

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