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Everything you need to know about storytelling in five minutes

On Wednesday I spoke to the Public Relations Society of America’s Charlotte chapter. They’re a good group. Sometimes I speak off the top of my head at this sort of thing, but this time I actually wrote out some thoughts, so I thought I’d post them here in the spirit of Austin Kleon’s “show your work” idea.

If you do any kind of storytelling for a living, these are probably basic ideas … but maybe not.

Thanks for having me here today. I want this to be more of a conversation than a speech. I don’t need much time for a speech, because today I’m going to teach you everything you need to know about storytelling in five minutes.

But first I want to tell you a little story.

My wife has this uncanny gift for finding the worst possible movie on TV at any given moment. The other night she landed on the SyFy channel, on this movie called “Collision Earth.”

I’m gonna try to come up with a quick synopsis that does this movie justice.

The event that gets the action going is a solar flare so powerful that it knocks the planet Mercury out of its orbit and sends it hurtling toward Earth. This would be bad.

Along with knocking Mercury out of its orbit, somehow this solar flare also magnetized Mercury, so as it heads for Earth, cars and stuff start flying into the air to meet it.

There’s ONE scientist who knows how to fix this. In fact he has built this giant battering ram in space for just this situation. But for reasons I never did quite follow, this scientist was fired from NASA years before, and his giant battering ram was unfinished and left out in space to rot, and now, of course, NOBODY WILL LISTEN TO HIM.

It just so happens that this disgraced scientist’s wife is an astronaut whose spacecraft is — you won’t believe this — orbiting Mercury. But the solar flare hit the ship so hard that a little while later, the other astronaut on board keels over and dies.

So he’s on the ground trying to save the Earth, and she’s up in space trying to save the Earth, and they’re actually talking to each other via ham radio — I don’t even wanna get into how THAT happened.

There’s not nearly enough time to tell you all the ways this movie is ludicrous, so I’ll give you just two:

One, this giant magnetized planet that’s flying toward us is just sucking cars off the earth, EXCEPT when the disgraced scientist needs a car to get somewhere; then his car stays on the ground just fine, even as other cars are being sucked off the planet right in front of him.

And two, this astronaut up there, when she needs to move around the spaceship, she doesn’t float through the capsule in zero gravity … she just gets up and walks around like she’s at the mall.

I have only scratched the surface of how stupid on every level this movie is. But we watched the damn thing all the way to the end. When it was over, I looked at my wife and said “Why did we do that?” But the truth is, I knew why.

And here’s where I tell you everything you need to know about storytelling in five minutes.

First, I’m gonna draw three objects.

photo-6

This is a sympathetic character. It’s probably someone you like, but at the very least it’s someone you’re emotionally invested in. You care what happens to this person.

photo-7

This is a hurdle. It’s an obstacle of some kind — could be a bad guy, could be a physical challenge, could be some sort of internal emotional demon.

photo-8

And this is the pot of gold — some kind of goal, some kind of reward, physical or emotional or whatever.

A story is the journey of this character you care about, confronting and dealing with this obstacle, to reach this pot of gold.

In addition to these three pictures, you need to answer two questions:

1. What’s the story about?

 2. What’s it REALLY about?

Here’s what I mean.  What the story’s about is literally what happens in the narrative — who this character is, what goal he or she is trying to reach, what obstacle is in the way. The unique set of facts.

What the story’s REALLY about is a way of saying, what’s the point? What’s the universal meaning that someone should draw from this story? What’s the lesson?

When you think about it that way, you’ll find that you end up with a second obstacle and a second goal.

Think about the first Rocky movie. What’s it about? It’s about a no-name boxer in Philly (sympathetic character) who gets a chance to fight the champ (obstacle) and goes the distance (pot of gold).

He doesn’t win the fight — they saved that for Rocky II. The goal isn’t always the ultimate prize. Sometimes the goal is completing the journey. Proving you can go the distance is a worthy goal in itself.

But what’s the movie REALLY about? In a larger sense, the obstacle is not Apollo Creed. The obstacle is Rocky’s own self-doubt. The goal is making something of himself, not just out of pride but so he can prove himself to Paulie and feel worthy of Adrian’s love.

Why is that second layer of meaning important? Because not everybody is a professional boxer. But all of us have doubted ourselves and had other people doubt us. All of us have had the universal feeling of knowing that going the distance is a victory in itself.

That’s what makes stories matter: when you read or watch or hear a story about a total stranger, in a completely different world, and you recognize that story as your own.

Stories connect us as human beings. In fact, they’re part of what MAKES us human beings.

Of course, I’ve oversimplified a lot here today. Most good stories are dense and complicated, with many characters and lots of obstacles and elusive goals. Sometimes they jump around in time and space. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what they’re really about.

But this basic framework — these three pictures, those two questions — lie at the heart of it all. If you don’t have them all, you might have something, but you don’t have a story.

Why did we stay up way too late to watch the end of that stupid movie? Because for all they got wrong, they got the heart of it right. They made us care about this goofy disgraced scientist and his walking-on-the-floor-of-the-spaceship astronaut wife.

The story was about saving the earth. But it was really about love, and the amazing things two people can accomplish when they believe in each other. They can move mountains — not just mountains, but whole planets.

So when the astronaut used her husband’s space battering ram to knock Mercury out of our path like a giant galactic cue ball, I went to bed happy and satisfied.

Because I was reminded, once again, that a good story can save us all.

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My Top 10 Things of 2012

Now that I write sports for a living — it still feels weird to say that — I’ve talked a lot about my favorite sports moments of the year. I’ve already written about the stadium shaking in Gainesville and the moments right after the Alabama-LSU game and Johnny Football beating Alabama. So I left sports off this list. The one common thread among all these things is, they moved me — made me laugh or cry or think or sing along. Sometimes all at once.

10. “Argo

It wasn’t until weeks after we saw this movie that I understood what I liked most about it. I grew up on those great ’70s detective shows — “Mannix,” “Barnaby Jones,” and of course “Rockford Files.” “Argo” is set in 1980, and that look is what got me — the washed-out lighting, all those wide lapels and shaggy haircuts. There are lots of other things to love about the movie. It’s a thriller, but (almost) all the violence is offscreen — the tense moments center around ordinary things, like whether someone will pick up the phone at a crucial moment. It’s like an Hitchcock movie in that way. It’s never wrong to put Alan Arkin, John Goodman and Bryan Cranston in a movie. Ben Affleck is just right for his role. It’s all based on a true story. But what I’ll remember is the way the film looks. “Argo” is basically the best “Mannix” ever made, and that’s a big compliment.

9. LCD Soundsystem + Miles Davis

So many people make so many mashups these days that just about every song has mated with every other somewhere on YouTube. But after seeing this, by Alessandro Greenspan, I never want to hear “New York, I Love You But You’re Bringing Me Down” in any other way. And I never want it lip-synced by anyone other than Kermit the Frog.

8. “Call Me Maybe”

For that keyboard riff in the chorus. For the twist at the end of the video. But mostly for that one line in the bridge:

Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad

That’s a line for anyone who’s been in love with the perfect idea of someone who just hasn’t come around yet. That’s a great pop lyric.

7. “Somebody that I Used To Know” (Walk Off the Earth cover)

Somehow I saw this before I heard Gotye’s original. I still like this version better. I’d pay to see a band play a whole set this way. “And now, ‘Bohemian Rhapsody…'”

6. “Steal Like an Artist

At the beginning of the year I gathered a bunch of books on one shelf with the intention of reading them all in 2012. I ended up reading five of the 25, which is right at the Mendoza Line. What happened this year is the same thing that happens every year — I’d walk through a bookstore and new books would just stick to me, like I was made of Velcro. Austin Kleon’s book stuck early on, and it’s the one book I’ve kept nearby all year. This book is for all of us who fear that whatever creative work we’re doing is just theft from those who came before. The truth: it IS theft, and great artists have stolen from one another throughout the centuries — expressing old ideas in new ways is exactly how art gets made. This book will free your creative soul.

5. “Parks and Recreation

4. Chris Jones’ “Animals” and “The Honor System

Full disclosure: I’m praising the work of friends here. Chris, from Esquire and ESPN the Magazine, is the best longform journalist in North America (I have to say it that way because he’s Canadian). “Animals” is the story of his that got the most attention this year — it’s about the men who had to hunt down the animals that escaped from a private zoo in Zanesville, Ohio. I know of at least three other big magazine pieces on the same story, but no one understood it the way Chris did, and no one else put the reader so deep inside it. There’s one paragraph, about a bear and a hunter and a camera that measures body heat, that breaks my heart every time I read it.

Having said all that, I enjoyed “The Honor System” even more. It starts off as the story of a stolen magic trick — a European magician has ripped off a trick made famous by Teller, the silent half of Penn and Teller. (In this story, Teller speaks.) But soon the story rounds a sharp bend, and then another, and by the end it’s not clear if the trick is on Teller, Chris, the reader, or some combination of the three. I’ve emailed Chris about the story and I’m still not sure. But I am sure it’s an amazing feat of storytelling.

I’ve also, improbably, become friends with Michael Schur — former writer for “The Office” and “Saturday Night Live,” co-creator of Fire Joe Morgan, frequent Poscast guest, and, occasionally, Mose Schrute. Mike is now executive producer of “Parks and Recreation,” which tops all those other things (even Mose). “Parks and Rec” is something rare and remarkable — a comedy about nice people who like each other and care about the world around them. So many comedies center on jerks, or stupid people, or conflicts that would never happen in real life. That’s easy money. What’s hard is making a show that tilts the mirror just a little sideways, but is still cramp-in-the-side funny and earns its occasional moments of drama. I’m not sure “Parks and Rec” will ever be ranked with “Cheers” and “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.” But it’s working the same ground. And it’s creating something beautiful.

3. Alabama Shakes

Of all the music I never got to see live, I miss those great Memphis soul acts — Otis Redding, Sam and Dave — the most. Brittany Howard and the guys come as close as I’ve heard, and Brittany throws in a little Janis Joplin just to show off. “You Ain’t Alone” is the one that hooked me — if you don’t love this live version, me and you can’t be friends.

But the track I keep coming back to is their cover of Zeppelin’s “How Many More Times.” Please, y’all, come play in Charlotte. Or anywhere near. I’ll drive.

2. “Justified

In many ways, the opposite of “Parks and Rec” — last season featured an Oxy-gulping villain, the murder of a thug named Devil, and a pig-butchering knife put to brutal use in the finale. But “Justified” also has dry, dark humor — it has to, it’s based on books by Elmore Leonard. And the characters are so deep and rich and well-acted that you’d watch just to listen to them talk to one another. Timothy Olyphant as Raylan Givens and Walton Goggins as Boyd Crowder are fantastic, and Dickie Bennett’s hair — played by Jeremy Davies’ hair — should get a special Emmy every year. The new season starts Jan. 8, the day after the college football season ends. Somebody up there likes me.

1. Bill Murray’s speech to the Sally League

OK, this is sports — but it’s also Bill Murray, and Bill Murray crosses all boundaries. Here’s the setup: Murray is co-owner of the Charleston RiverDogs, a minor-league baseball team in the South Atlantic League — or as most fans call it, the Sally League. The Sally League inducted Murray into its Hall of Fame this year, because when you can put Bill Murray in your Hall of Fame, that’s what you do.

So Bill Murray gets up to give his induction speech. He’s wearing a ridiculous outfit and he starts cracking jokes in exactly the way you would expect. But then he tells a story about the first time he saw Wrigley Field. And then he talks about the best corn dog he ever had. And then he gives the players advice that just happens to sum up his own life and career in one perfect Zen sentence: If you can stay light and stay loose and stay relaxed, you can play at the very highest level, as a baseball player or as a human being.

May we all love something in our lives as much as Bill Murray loves baseball, and may we all find our own ways to express that love. Happy New Year, everyone.

Honorable mentions: Justin Heckert on the girl who can feel no pain. Michael Kruse’s TED talk. Bill Simmons and Jonathan Hock on Alfred Slote. Tig Notaro’s set. The LA Times’ space-shuttle timelapse. Seinfeld’s coffee with Michael Richards.

Email me: tommy.tomlinson@sportsonearth.com. Tweet me @tommytomlinson. Anytime.